toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize