found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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