I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize