Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
