I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
