I wanna passion pit in your ass
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
