Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
