just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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