she is the kim kardashian of front butts
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
