just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Houston, we have a squirter
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize