dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
