I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize