OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
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