Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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