Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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