My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
