What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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