I got chris browned last night
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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