I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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