I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
