why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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