U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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