i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
