if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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