i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
