You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
