happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
