So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
