she woke up with a sticky ear
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
