Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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