I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
