singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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