so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I pour the whiskey from now on
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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