We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
