we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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