Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Randomize
