I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
