I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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