YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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