i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
