They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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