Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
