He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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