I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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