I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize