Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
