I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
