There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
