im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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