I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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