Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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