I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
