What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize