I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
