drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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