does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
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