I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
