I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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