Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
