I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
