and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Randomize
