I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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