Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
