I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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