you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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