i think my mom watched the whole time
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
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