I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
