I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Life is so much better after having sex.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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