She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
