so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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