happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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