I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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