i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
