his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
