I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
high people should be assigned attendants
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Never let your siblings swipe right.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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