Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
