I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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