there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
