it was like a zeppelin in a condom
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
