it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
