Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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